Dividing the bill...

Person 1: Well I only got a coffee and eggs, so I don't think I need to put in this much.

Person 2: But I'm just saying we might as well split it evenly, 50/50, it's only like 2 dollars more.

Person 1: Sure, but I just don't think that's fair.

Person 2: A lot of things aren't fair.

Person 1: Like what?

Person 2: Like, I don't know, I grew up with a ridiculously successful father and I don't know if I'm ever going to amount to him...

(Pause)

Person 1: That's what Sheen said.

(High five each other)

Person 2: Nice.